i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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