and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
