brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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