I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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