She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
