I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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