So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to calm my uterus...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
