you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
