if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
