If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
