Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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