I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize