he shaved USA in his pubs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
