he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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