You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
