He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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