You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
