"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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