We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
