then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
