I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
