I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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