this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
