K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
