Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
