Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i came on her dog
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your cock deserves a montage
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
