she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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