They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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