I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
