She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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