she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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