did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
