Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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