Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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