Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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