Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize