history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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