i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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