I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
