I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
