He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
