Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
