Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
