Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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