I think my vagina is haunted
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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