My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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