i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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