all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
