Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
