My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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