I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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