I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
