I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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