oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
