If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
