Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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