I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
