i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize