TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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