I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
