its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
