FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
