Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
