Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
