sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
