i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize