I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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