I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
