I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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