oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
