your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
