I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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