your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
