Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
