i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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