I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
