Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
