shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
