He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
