I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
