and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
